ADHD Diagnosis at 30: The Truth About Myths That Held Me Back

‘ADHD Diagnosis at 30: The Truth About Myths That Held Me Back’ Written by Becki Massey, Psychotherapist, Neurodivergence & Self-Esteem Specialist, F&B Digital Therapy

I received an ADHD diagnosis today after 30 whole years alive.

Being diagnosed with ADHD in adulthood can bring up a mixture of emotions: relief, sadness, anger, grief. For me, I’m still processing it and honestly not really sure what I feel (my brain may be now asleep after an all-nighter anticipating my early morning assessment!).

I’d been planning a blog post on ADHD myths for a while, regardless of my assessment outcome. I’ve come across a lot of very common, but harmful, misconceptions and judgements people seem to hold. I think these are a result of misinformation. Hopefully this blog can provide education, understanding and awareness to address the ADHD myths out there. Chances are, you know someone with ADHD or another form of neurodiversity whether they’re diagnosed or not (maybe even yourself).

People’s understanding and compassion can go a long way.

What is ADHD?

ADHD stands for Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. I’ve broken down what this involves below:

It’s a neurodevelopmental condition – affecting how your brain functions and develops growing up.
Leads to difficulties with attention, concentrating and impulsivity.
Causes social, cognitive and emotional functioning difficulties.

Whilst disorders like ADHD first present in childhood, many persist into adulthood. Aside from all this jargon, it’s literally just a different way of thinking and very common. Statistics estimate 3-4% of people would qualify for an ADHD diagnosis in the UK. I personally believe this is A LOT higher, taking into account people undiagnosed or misdiagnosed.

What does ADHD look like in women?

I believe I didn’t get an ADHD diagnosis until now, because its often missed in woman. Stats show where 13% of men are diagnosed with ADHD, just 4.2% of women will be. Women typically present as inattentive in school. I myself was a quiet daydreamer; I struggled but wasn’t as obviously disruptive in class (I got away with a lot of my subtle mischief!). Men can also be diagnosed with inattentive ADHD and I think that’s important to note. A lot of men are also being are also receiving adult ADHD diagnoses too!

I’d be here all day if I were to list all of my ADHD symptoms, so I”ll only touch upon a few. In my personal experience, my symptoms are more subtle and easily masked, but these may present in anyone regardless of gender.

Fidgeting: this is subtle! you may not notice me twirling my hair around my fingers, shaking my leg or playing with my hands under the table.
Zoning out: I’m master of pretending I’m listening or have understood something. In reality, I’m completely zoned out. I can listen when its important to (or when I’m passioante about a conversation!) but I’ll be exhausted afterwards.
Poor eye contact: I can give eye contact whilst someone is talking to me, but can’t say more than a sentence if I’m giving eye contact. I just completely lose my train of thought!

My ‘hyperactivity’ is not in the form of me constantly bouncing off the walls, but comes out in:

Chaotic thought processes you can’t see
Impulsive decisions
Severe impatience with anything and everything
Being a ‘jack of all trades, master of none’
Difficulties with time management

I’m also forgetful, easily distracted, constantly overstimulated and I have a real hard time regulating any emotions I have.

Is ADHD a mental illness?

ADHD is not a mental illness.

Getting an ADHD diagnosis means you have a neurodevelopmental disorder. People are born with ADHD and it has strong genetic/biological causes.

Nevertheless, ADHD often leads to chronic overwhelm. People with ADHD are more likely to have difficult or traumatic life experiences. This may lead to mental health conditions such as depression and anxiety disorders. For example, I have struggled with low self-esteem, social anxiety and regular stress-induced burnout. I’ve been in therapy a lot (therapists need therapy too!). Whilst I’ve addressed some of these issues, the symptoms of ADHD continue to persist.

Is ADHD a disability?

The Equality Act (2010) defines a disability as “a physical or mental impairment that has a substantial and long-term adverse effect on a person’s ability to carry out normal day-to-day activities.”

Based on this definition – yes, ADHD is a disability.

Are people with an ADHD diagnosis just lazy?

No. If we were lazy we wouldn’t feel the immense guilt we do when we’re not ‘productive’, yet this is a myth I hear often.

People with an ADHD diagnosis may struggle in a lot of areas in their lives. However, there’s a misconception they can’t keep a job, get good grades, finish education etc. This may be true for some, but everyone’s experience of how severely ADHD impacts their life can be different.

So here’s my experience for context:

I enjoyed learning in primary school. I thrived in the structure of it.
In secondary school I started to get bored. Mix this with puberty and things went quickly downhill (hormones are known to impact the severity of ADHD symptoms).
I did poorly in subjects I had no interest for, but well in the subjects I enjoyed.
University proved this more – Psychology is a passion of mine. I was able to hyperfocus and do really well whilst studying this.

People with ADHD can focus really well, sometimes too well, if they have a strong interest in something. This doesn’t mean education and working isn’t without its struggles – I have had a lot of experiences throughout my life of people believing I am ‘lazy’, ‘dozy’, or ‘book-smart with no common sense’. I may not be able to tell you much about history or geography, as these don’t interest me, but I’m really confident in other areas. When it comes to Psychology, mental health or any other of my passions, I’m a fountain of knowledge!

ADHD comes with a lot of strengths too. I find those with an ADHD diagnosis (or suspected) are often passionate, creative, sensitive, fun, empathetic and out of the box thinkers. Below are a list of just some celebrities who have said they have ADHD – I think they have a lot of these traits too!

Emma Watson
Ryan Gosling
Will Smith
Billie Joe Armstrong and Tre Cool
Dave Grohl
Paris Hilton
Nelly Furtado
Zooey Deschanel
Greta Gerwig
Sam Thompson
Youtubers/streamers such as Jacksepticeye, Hasan Piker and Jarvis Johnson
Yungblud

Could everyone meet an ADHD diagnosis?

No. Then why does everyone seem to be getting diagnosed with ADHD now? Why do so many people relate to the symptoms? Common questions a lot of people seem to wonder.

It is no lie that the rate of people getting ADHD diagnoses is on the rise in recent years. I would argue ADHD is a normal way of thinking. As with anything, it can be on a spectrum of mild to severe. Very occasional forgetfulness or inattention will not meet the criteria for a diagnosis. If society was different, and accommodating, I don’t believe this would be known as a ‘disorder’. Experts even argue an evolutionary advantage to ADHD minds in the past, where they thrived in more ‘hunter-gatherer’ societies. Unfortunately, society right now is tailored more to ‘neurotypicals’.

If you watch a TikTok checklist video on ADHD symptoms and think ‘well, I relate to that and I don’t have ADHD’ then

Maybe you do… OR
Your experiences of these symptoms aren’t persistent, don’t have a continuous negative impact on your life or weren’t experienced in early childhood.

A favourite analogy of mine is the idea that everybody also pees, but if you’re peeing 50x a day there may be something else going on!

Another thing to consider in terms of the rise in diagnosis, is how there have been a lot of recent developments in the understanding of conditions such as ADHD and Autism.

Our understanding of the world is constantly changing as we learn and discover new things – there was a time we thought the world was flat, we thought women who showed any signs of poor mental health were ‘hysteric’, we thought ADHD in women was rare and adults couldn’t have ADHD. Only in 2008 was it recognised that adults can have ADHD, and only in 2018 were the guidelines updated to address the issue of under-diagnosis of ADHD in girls and women. (see ADHD NICE Guidelines)

To demonstrate this further, below is a graph of the rates of left-handedness in the USA, taken from the Washington Post (2015).

You can see a clear rise in the rates of left-handedness from early 1900s before this plateaued around the 1950s. This is speculated to be because around this time, children were no longer forced into right-handedness through punishment at school. As the stigma decreased, the prevalence increased as people were able to be themselves with this.

This is the same for neurodiverse conditions like ADHD – stigma is decreasing, whilst knowledge and awareness is increasing. Its therefore understandable that rates of diagnosis would show a sharp increase before it eventually evens out to its true prevalence at some point in the future.

Do I have ADHD?

A good starting place to understanding if you have ADHD is to take a psychometric test, such as this one https://www.clinical-partners.co.uk/for-adults/adult-adhd-add/test-for-adhd

This would not be the same as a diagnosis, but would be useful to take to your GP to request a referral for a full assessment. As with anything like this, doing your research and speaking to a professional is important as there are many conditions that have the same symptoms of this that may explain your symptoms better. Your psychiatrist during your assessment should screen out for any other potential explanations.

Below is a list of some other conditions where symptoms overlap or are similar to ADHD. Some of these conditions may be misdiagnosed as ADHD or vice versa.

Autism
Dyspraxia
Learning disabilities
Personality Disorders (e.g. Borderline Personality Disorder)
Bipolar Disorder
Schizophrenia
Anxiety Disorders
Complex PTSD
Depression
Hypothyroidism
Substance abuse (drugs or alcohol)

– Even if you have the above conditions or issues, you could still have ADHD too. There is a lot of overlap and comorbidity, which again emphasises the importance of speaking to a professional. Even if you don’t end up diagnosed with ADHD, that doesn’t make what you’re going through isn’t valid – your struggles are still real, and it is still a step forward in understanding yourself. Therapy may further help you with this.

Can ADHD be treated with therapy?

ADHD unfortunately can’t be cured with therapy and treatment usually involves medication. However, ADHD coaching and therapy does exist to help manage symptoms. At F&B Digital Therapy, we can work with the resultant mental health issues that arise from living with ADHD.

Does Cognitive Behavioural Therapy work for ADHD?

Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) is a practical approach to therapy looking at breaking negative cycles between your thoughts, feelings and behaviours. CBT will not cure ADHD. It can, however, help change your negative thought processes towards yourself, help you understand where they came from and teach you how to build your confidence back up again.

CBT can also help teach problem solving strategies, skills to deal with difficult emotions and techniques to manage anxiety, worry and stress that comes with living with ADHD. Through my own personal CBT, I have learned how to be more accepting of myself and my confidence has grown as a result.

Here at F&B Digital Therapy, we specialise in neurodivergence and self-esteem. For those who have ADHD, or suspect they may, we provide online therapy to build your self-confidence.

We know accessing NHS services in the UK is often not ADHD friendly. There can be long waiting lists, high levels of uncertainty, and expectations of having to engage in face to face/video appointments.

Text therapy can be helpful for those with ADHD as:

· You don’t have to mask as much as a face to face/telephone interaction.

· You may find it easier to process written information.

· It may be less overwhelming.

· You can attend sessions in the comfort of your own home, where there may be less distractions.

· You may find it less exhausting.

· You can revisit your sessions afterwards if you need more time to process the information.

I personally find that in my own therapy I can articulate myself better over text as I have a lot more time to think about what I want to say and how I want to word it. I then process written information a lot better as I find less pressure to remember everything and can go back to it afterwards.

However, we are aware that this is not how everyone’s brain works too which is why we also offer telephone or video therapy if that’s preferred. Find out more about what services we offer here.